


Moments and Memories

by meggles830



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Felicity is a Merlyn, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2018-12-19 04:56:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11890482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meggles830/pseuds/meggles830
Summary: "Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory." Dr. SuessFelicity Smoak grew up in Vegas with her mother, Donna, with no idea who her father was. Then, one day she has to figure it out and that begins the real adventure of her lifetime and introduces her to her entire family.Non-linear stories that will all come together (hopefully) to paint the picture of how she came to be the remarkable woman she is.





	1. Chapter 1

 

_ Malcolm Merlyn was what his father would have called a Captain of Industry. He was the CEO of Merlyn Global, an international financial services firm with 20 billion dollars in assets under management. He had run this company for 20 years and had always hoped to pass on to his son, Tommy. However, given Tommy’s most recent run in with the law (why would anyone steal a cab? He had a car service with a driver available 24/7), the idea that he’d ever turn it around and start taking school and life at all seriously was beginning to feel like a pipe dream.  _

_ He sat in his large office looking out over Starling City, racking his brain for a solution. What was it going to take to get Tommy’s head out of his ass and force the boy to take some responsibility? Robert Queen may be willing to perpetually finance his son’s indiscretions and peccadilloes, but he had a wife and a daughter who could step in if necessary- all Merlyn Global had was a disinterested, over indulged boy whose heart was still broken over the loss of his mother 12 years ago.  _

_ “I’m sorry Mr. Merlyn, there is a Felicity Smoak on your calendar and in your waiting area, but I’m not entirely sure what the visit is about- it’s on your schedule, but I swear, I don’t remember seeing it until this morning and it was marked in purple, which, you know is my code for personal, so I’m hoping you know why she’s here.” Malcolm was interrupted from his thoughts by the sight of his distressed Executive Assistant, Cheryl, in his office trying to block a young girl with long dark hair, dressed in all black, including her nails and lipstick.  _

_ Malcolm was puzzled but held up his hand, letting Cheryl know that it was perfectly alright for Miss Smoak to enter the room.  _

_ “Please, Miss Smoak, why don’t you come in and sit down? Can I get you anything? Water? A soda? Coffee?” _

_ “Thank you, but I’ve already had quite a few cappuccinos while I waited to come in here and I’m nervous enough as is, so I think that if I had any more caffeine it’s likely that I’d end up vibrating right out of my skin. Not that that’s possible to do. I mean, the laws of physics prove that- it would be impossible for there to be the requisite transverse waves, since they are inherently required to wave in opposite directions… Although if you buy into Quantum Field Theory, all electrons are actually constantly vibrating at all times, it’s just a matter of being able to see the waves of the energy. But then, since we can’t actually see the vibration of the energy around us, I doubt that you’d be able to see me vibrate out of my skin- not without some kind of special device and I think that starts to get into a very advanced and high tech kind of place and that’s not really Merlyn Global’s bag- maybe Queen Consolidated has something though. I think there are some interesting studies coming out of Norway right now that are starting to delve into the ramifications of… I’m sorry, Mr. Merlyn, I suppose I’m a bit nervous, and you may have noticed that I ramble a bit when I get nervous.” She pushed her glasses up her nose as she sat there, trying to still her shaking hands as he looked her over. _

_ He had to admit that she was a breath of fresh air, and there was something about her… she didn’t exactly look like anyone he knew, but she had a certain quality about her, an attitude or an air to her that somehow seemed so familiar. He sent Cheryl a look that, after 20 years of working together, she recognized as a signal to leave and close the door.  _

_ “It’s quite alright, why don’t you take a moment and compose yourself before letting me know why you’re here, since there wasn’t much in my calendar to go off.” _

_ “Oh, you shouldn’t be upset with your assistant, by the way, it’s not her fault she didn’t have any information on my visit- I hacked into your system and put my name in there. Sorry about that, but I really didn’t think you would see me without an appointment and I thought that if I called and tried to get a legitimate appointment, I’d probably be re-routed to your assistant’s assistant’s dog walker or something. And I really needed to get in and see you as expediently as possible.” _

_ How old was this girl? He was looking at her and she was obviously much younger than his 17 year old son, Tommy, but probably a bit older than Thea Queen who was, what now? 8? It was difficult to tell, this girl in front of him was so petite, barely over 5 feet if he had to guess, and with big glasses- glasses that almost seemed too large for her face. But then she could spout off about quantum physics and was now making the rather extraordinary claim that she had hacked into Merlyn Globals’ computer systems- systems which he knew were some of the most secure in the world- he paid millions of dollars every year to ensure that his company’s data was as safe as humanly possible and here was a kid in glasses boldly claiming to have hacked his personal systems? _

_ “I see. And, may I ask what it is that is so vitally important that you would hire someone to hack into our systems?” _

_ “Hire someone? No, I did it myself-- I mean, you have really great security measures, like, bonkers good actually- the way that you’ve segmented your network with that custom-built firewall system is really impressive- seriously. It took me longer to hack into your system here than for me to break into the FBI and the Census Bureau… and of course the FAA, which I had to do to try and confirm some travel data of yours from the last 15 years, but it wasn’t exactly like the time that I hacked into the Pentagon to prove to my friend that there was no alien conspiracy in Area 51. Thank God I was actually right about that one- I was so NOT ready to shave my head if Tracy had been right, it was the week before the school concert and my mom would have absolutely murdered me…” She sort of faded off towards the end there, looking so sad at the mention of her mom.  _

_ So was that it? This girl had recently lost a mother and knowing that he had a soft spot in his heart for the motherless? Ever since he had lost his Rebecca when Tommy was almost 5 Malcolm had taken on so many charities and groups that worked with children losing parents- helping them to heal and adjust and grieve properly. _

_ “When did you lose your mother?” His tone was not at all unkind, and she looked up at him, shocked that he could be so astute- which made him want to smile just a bit, something he hid, not wanting to offend this girl’s intelligence or efforts. _

_ “Two months ago.” She murmured, so quietly that he almost didn’t hear it.  _

_ “I’m sorry Ms. Smoak, I really am. My son lost his mother at a very young age and I know what it is like for a child to grow up with that kind of loss. I’d be happy to connect you with the Merlyn Foundation- we have resources, people you can speak to, people that can help you come to terms with it, to grieve and to move on.” _

_ “I’m not here to fucking move on.” Suddenly she looked up at him, no longer looking like a lost and wounded child but like a woman many years older- she was angry and fired up- her blue eyes blazing. _

_ “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply… Look, perhaps I should call your father- do you have his number, I can call him and ask him to come and get you, I’d be happy to speak with him…” _

_ “Sure, and once you’re done having a conversation with yourself, I’ll be sitting here, waiting to see how you and you are going to deal with sweeping me under the rug.” She looked up at him, eyes of steel, challenging him and the look, the flash in her eyes bringing out green flecks, despite the fact that they were so blue. But the way she suddenly stood and popped out her right leg while putting a hand on her hip, staring him down, challenging him… it reminded him of something- of someone...  _

_ “I’m sorry, I don’t quite…” _

_ “I’m Felicity Meghan Smoak, daughter of Donna Smoak. In January of 1989 you were in Vegas, at Caesar's Palace and you met my mother. You apparently spent that weekend, and a few others with her and then disappeared from the face of the planet. I was born in August that year. And before you ask, yes, I’m smart enough to have hacked your medical records- your company might have excellent firewalls and encryption, but your corporate health insurance’s cybersecurity is a fucking joke. I was able to order a DNA test against a sample from your most recent corporate physical exam and it’s all there. And yes, I could have easily hacked the system to say all of this- apparently you’re quite the hotshot and I’m sure the first thing crossing your mind is that I’m out to get your money and name and all that, but you couldn’t possibly be more wrong. All I want is a way to avoid foster care until I’m 16 and can emancipate myself before attending MIT or CalTech. I don’t want your name or your money or anything else, I promise. I’ll  take another DNA test, I’ll sign an agreement swearing I don’t want a thing and the second I turn 16, I’m gone.” _

_ Malcolm was shocked- this was a lot of information for him to process all at one time and the child was right- he was instantly concerned that this was a scam, some scheme or crazy idea this girl had cooked up for money. He was about to call out for security when a memory flashed across his mind. Blond hair, long and curly and a woman with an incredible body, gorgeous face- he saw 5 inch heels and a cute little black cocktail waitress uniform with cuffs and collar separate. She was smiling at him all night as he drowned his sorrows- his wife, gone almost six months and he still missed her every damn day. Then this woman walked up to him and smiled, but not too brightly, she put a hand on his shoulder, she talked to him- asked him what was wrong, let him cry a little. In the end, it was the only woman he had been with since his wife had died, the only woman he would be with for a few years. He just so badly wanted to shut out the pain, to feel something, to let her take care of him for a change.  _

_ “You’re Donna Smoak’s daughter?” _

_ “Well, Donna Smoak and Malcolm Merlyn’s daughter. I mean, I might be only 13- almost, but I’ve had sex ed… I’m a sophomore in high school so I took biology, and I understand how ½ of my chromosomes are from you and ½ from her.” _

_ “But- I don’t… Donna never told me- she never tried to contact me… I don’t understand…” _

_ “Yeah, well, if it helps, I didn’t know you were my dad until about three weeks ago, so it seems like there are a lot of people she didn’t say anything to. But, then again, I’m pretty sure she didn’t plan for a semi to hit her head on in a rainstorm, killing her on impact, leaving her almost 13-year-old daughter to fend for herself.” _

_ “I’m… I’m so sorry, I had no idea, I mean…” What exactly was he supposed to say at this point? He had a daughter? With a cocktail waitress from Vegas. A now deceased cocktail waitress from Vegas. And that daughter was right here, in his office, staring at him, looking for- what? Comfort? Assistance? Money? A father? It wasn’t at all clear.  _

_ “Yeah, so, Malcolm Merlyn, what’s next?” _

_ \--------------------------------------------------------------------------- _

_ It had been six months. Six months since Malcolm had brought a strange, dark haired goth girl in all black to Merlyn Manor and told Tommy that he had a sister, an almost 13-year-old sister who had just lost her mom- a woman that Malcolm had slept with on one of his many trips away from home after the death of Rebecca Merlyn. _

_ To say that he was completely shocked and dumbfounded was sort of an understatement. There had been fights, 17 year old Tommy screaming about how long his dad waited to go and fuck the first cocktail waitress that walked past him- words Tommy still regretted. He saw how his words made both of them- his dad and his sister (god, that was a weird thing to say) fold over, like he had just punched each of them in the gut… he knew how much his father had loved his mother, it wasn’t fair to be so angry that almost 6 full months after his mother’s death, his father sought solace in the arms of someone. And of course, no matter how angry he may be with his dad about defiling his mother’s memory, he couldn’t help but be somewhat haunted by the fact that this girl- no matter how she came to be- had lost her mom. If anyone knew that feeling, it was him, and he couldn’t believe he was being such an incredible, Grade A dick to her. He wasn’t 5 years old, he should be able to be upset and all kinds of angry with his dad without basically calling this girl’s mom trailer trash and a gold digger. _

_ But Felicity was serious when she said she wasn’t looking for much from Malcolm. Turns out that she was some kind of girl genius, she wasn’t even 13 yet and was going into her Sophomore year of high school- which was pretty upsetting to Tommy, hoping to barely graduate in the next year at the age of 18. But she definitely wasn’t a gold digger, she seemed to hate being here with him and with Malcolm, never wanting to interact, preferring to stay in what was now her room on her computers or reading some giant, heavy, bulky book about tech or physics or sometimes even biology or chemistry… once he caught her reading a Richard Dawkins book about whether there is a God and she just shrugged when he raised an eyebrow at her- saying she felt like goofing off.  _

_ It took almost four full months for Tommy to piece together what happened with Felicity’s mom. Apparently she died in a car accident in November and Felicity managed on her own for about two months. She lived off her mom’s savings, some hacking tricks and her ability to count cards at various casinos in the less reputable parts of Vegas (he was definitely going to find a way to get her to teach him that handy little trick) until finally the landlord called CPS about her. Once that happened, she was faced with the prospect of going into foster care so she spent a week hacking every database she could think of to try and figure out who her father was.  _

_ Her mother had some clips in a box under her bed about Malcolm Merlyn, in the same box as some of her baby pictures- including her sonogram and hospital ID bracelet from when she was born. From there Felicity had hacked everything she could to try and verify whether they knew each other, whether the timelines matched and eventually, on a hunch, she managed to hack his doctor’s office and test a recent sample of blood against her DNA to confirm and before she knew it, she had a dad. _

_ She had been taking care of herself, well, her and her mom actually, for years. She was used to living in a tiny two bedroom apartment in Vegas while her mom worked 60+ hour weeks as a cocktail waitress and Felicity took apart and rebuilt any kind of tech she could get her hands on. She was a genius in a lot of subjects- science, computers, math, history and, surprisingly, language. She had skipped a few grades over her life, her mom had no idea where it came from, her IQ was off the charts and all she wanted was to graduate from high school and go away to college, get a dual master's degree in Cybersecurity and Electrical Engineering and, from there, take over the world- in a benign way.  _

_ Tommy was prepared to hate her… but she really wasn’t around enough for him to notice. Malcolm was still away almost all the time and it was Tommy’s junior year- him and Ollie and Laurel and McKenna, they were so busy living it up and partying like there was no tomorrow- drinking and smoking and hooking up and generally trying to avoid conversations about the future. Tommy frequently forgot that she was even around.  _

_ Ollie had told him that having a little sister was kind of great- but of course he’d say that, he met Thea the day she was born (they both did, actually, Tommy used to pretty much live at Queen Manor whenever Malcolm was away- apparently banging cocktail waitresses in Vegas). To be honest, Tommy always wanted a little sister- Thea could be a pain in the ass, but she was awesome too and it was fun chasing her around all the time and teasing her about meeting Prince Eric on her first trip to Disney- she had a ridiculous crush on him. Even going to her tea parties and watching her absurd dance recitals when she was a tap dancing penguin or some kind of woodland fairy in the class ballet were moments he’d always cherish. But being saddled with a 13 year old child prodigy who made him feel like an idiot every time he talked to her longer than 5 minutes? That was not the dream. _

_ Not to mention, Thea was all adorable with her dresses and giant smile-- she was peppy and happy and  _ doted _ on Ollie and Tommy. Felicity just wanted to stick to her room and wear all black, unless she was adding purple stripes to her hair while playing some kind of wizard role playing game online with swords and dragons and shit. He had asked, jokingly, if she could take care of some parking tickets of his with her genius hacker skills and she had rolled her eyes and muttered something about the Bourgeoisie (what the hell was that) that went way over his head. Seriously? This was the sister that fate had stuck him with? Fan-fucking-tastic.  _

 

_ At least summer break was here and it was time for him to join Ollie and his family on whatever vacation they decided on for the summer- the latest attempt for Robert and Moira to show that they were, despite all reality, doing just fine and keeping up appearances of their perfect marriage and family. There was talk that this year they would do Alaska on a luxe yacht and high end RV for about a month- it sounded a bit more remote and outdoorsy than he was used to, top notch resorts and nonstop room services was more the usual for the family. But no matter what, it was 6 weeks without the little Goth Gremlin. _

_ It was a hot day in June and Ollie was going to be over in an hour or two, whenever the hangover wore off enough that he felt like driving, but it didn’t really matter. They’d probably just play  _ Halo _ until it was time to go out. His dad had wanted him to take an internship at Merlyn Global this summer- take on a bit more responsibility, begin to learn the names and faces of some of the important people there, but Tommy had refused- using Felicity as an excuse- didn’t she need someone around the house since Malcolm wasn’t going to be around? It was a cheap shot, but it had worked- this time… he knew it was maybe his last summer of being able to get away with ignoring everything that was awaiting him in life. _

_ Looking at his clock he figured maybe he’d go downstairs and find something to eat- may as well carbo load before going out tonight and drinking, he needed to be able to soak up all the scotch and tequila he was likely to imbibe. It was amazing that an Amex black card could get them in just about any club in Starling- including table service, despite being obviously (and somewhat infamously) well underage.  _

_ But Tommy was walking past Felicity’s room when he heard a muffled cry… and although he was 17 and she was pretty much a baby to him, something about the sound just shot straight to his heart. It was enough to make him pause and actually peak in the cracked open door, looking at his half sister, hunched over on her bed, sobbing into a pillow- clearly trying to keep it quiet.  _

_ As a general rule,Tommy steered clear of crying women- in all fairness, without a mom and having a best friend like Oliver Queen, his general sensitivity towards emotional girls was “blech, is that a period thing?” But Felicity sounded so raw and emotional and alone, as she clutched something that Tommy would bet almost his entire trust fund was a photo. And that was when he recognized the sound for what it was, something he himself actually had quite a bit of familiarity with- it was the sound of complete and total loneliness.  _

_ And yeah, maybe he and  “The Kid” (as he generally referred to her, at least around her or his father) had never really spent much time together, and yeah, maybe he had some personal crap to deal with in terms of having a secret/lost sister for most of his life; but it was in that moment he suddenly realized that she was  _ just _ a kid, and she was going through something he had been through. Well, that wasn’t entirely true- yes, he had lost his mom, and it had been sudden and violent and devastating- but he hadn’t also lost his house, his school… he had, for most intents and purposes, a dad, he had Oliver and the Queens… he had a trust fund and things to distract him and pretty much everything he could ever want…  _ except _ a mom.  _

_ But Felicity, she had computers. She had textbooks. She acted like she couldn’t care any less that her dad had money or that her trust fund would someday allow her to buy an island, hell, maybe a string of islands- she just wanted to learn and study and eventually leave all of this. And maybe it was better that way- maybe it was better that they not get close or spend much time together- he would leave in a year for school, she’d be gone in three years herself, there was no reason to think they’d really ever cross paths again. _

_ So who knows why Tommy Merlyn stopped and knocked on her door that night? He was supposed to be walking out the door, but instead he pulled out his phone and messaged Oliver, “Hey, need to raincheck, something came up. Have fun.” before he walked into his half sister’s room, even going so far as to sit on her bed, next to her and run his hand up her spine, trying to comfort her. And crazy enough, she just turned into him, collapsing into his side as she sobbed and wailed, needing to just fall apart.  _

_ He didn’t question anything, he didn’t actually speak at all- something that would go down in the record books as a first. She cried into his shoulder, clutching at a well-worn photo of a beautiful blond woman- Tommy assumed the woman in the picture was Donna Smoak. And in between sobs she was telling him how today was her mom’s birthday and they would normally be at the Wynn playing the slots before going to dinner- her fake id and Donna’s personality could usually get them at least ½ hour of fun before security harassed them- more than enough for Felicity to win enough money to buy her mom a special dinner.  _

_ Over time she stopped crying so hard and he just looked at her- really taking her in. She was tiny- barely over 5 feet tall and skinny. Her hair was obviously dyed to be way darker than her natural color, it was too harsh for her skin, which was actually very pretty- creamy and clear. And then there were her eyes- just big pools of gray and blue and, in that moment, her eyes showed just how badly she needed a big brother.  _

_ “Hey, you know what?” Tommy’s voice was a little too bright, and as he listened to it, maybe a bit condescending, but he felt the need to cheer her up. “We should get out of here- go get something to eat. I have the perfect place for when I feel like shit. Why don’t you put on some shoes and we’ll head out, ok?” _

_ “Seriously? You want to go out with me? I mean- I don’t mean like go out with me, like a date, I just mean… well, what if people see us?” _

_ That one threw Tommy because despite her ramble, he really didn’t think anyone was going to think he was actually dating her- first of all, she CLEARLY looked WAY too young for him. And wouldn’t people know they were related? They both went to Starling Prep, it wasn’t exactly like she was a secret- there had been a few reports in the tabloids about Malcolm Merlyn’s Long Lost Love Child when she had first shown up, but she was so quiet and Malcolm so constantly absent that they hadn’t ever really built up any steam.  _

_ “What do you mean? Come on, I don’t think the tabloids are going to give a shit if I take my sister out to the Waffle House.” _

_ She just looked up at him, heartbreakingly innocent and suddenly shy.  _

_ “You’ve- you’ve never called me that before. Your sister. You usually call me The Kid… or Goth Girl… or the Gremlin.” That made him wince. Shit, she’d heard those? Suddenly Tommy Merlyn felt like a class A douchebag- he was Douchey McJackass of the First Order.  _

_ “Hey, I’m sorry about that- I’ve been… I’ve been a jackass actually- none of this is your fault. I just- well, you may have noticed that Mal-  _ Dad” he said that word with more than a little disgust,  _ “Well, he and I don’t always get along so well. That’s between us, I’ve probably dragged you in the middle and I’m sorry about that. So- why don’t we go out, get ourselves a giant stack of belgian waffles with three scoops of ice cream on top and just talk. What do you say?” _

_ Felicity wiped the tears away from her face and just nodded, smiling just a little bit- a small thing that brightened her entire face in a way that Tommy noticed had him grinning in response.  _

_ “Do you think they have mint chocolate chip?” _

_ “I actually know for a fact that they do… what do you say?” And with that she jumped off her bed, slipped on some flipflops and they left her room, while Tommy took just a second to make sure that the photo of Donna was placed carefully back on her night stand so it wouldn’t get lost or ripped, just before he shut the door behind him.  _

_ Over waffles with ice cream, bananas and fudge sauce, with extra whipped cream, they talked. (She actually asked for a bowl of whipped cream and sprinkles and ate a few bites of that straight- something Tommy would never have thought to do.) He asked her questions about her mom- learning from her that Donna Smoak had been a beautiful woman with a take-no-shit attitude, but she also had a tendency to see the good in people, could be a little too trusting.  _

_ “She never really got me though. I mean, I know she would have preferred a different daughter- if I dyed my hair blonde and cared about my clothes more, if I wore makeup and talked about boys. I mean, I’ve never even been kissed. But all I’ve ever wanted to do was study and play with my computers. I built my first computer when I was 9, I scavenged for parts everywhere. I showed it to her, I was so excited and she had no idea what the hell it was.” Her eyes were misty, but so far she was keeping the tears in check and Tommy couldn’t quite process how brave this girl in front of him was. When he stopped to think about it, he still got so upset about memories of his mom that he bawled like a freakin’ baby, and he had almost 10 years of grieving and distance- she only had a few months.  _

_ He reached out across the table and took her hand in his, squeezing it gently, getting her to look at him.  _

_ “Hey, none of that. Look, as someone who has been nothing but a disappointment to his dad his entire life, I know a thing or two about this. I just… I can’t imagine any parent being disappointed to have you for a daughter. I mean, you’re brilliant- you’re going to graduate high school 2 or 3 years early, you’re already being approached by companies and government agencies to work for them- Felicity, you are amazing- how could anyone not want you to be their kid?” _

_ She snorted a laugh at that.  _

_ “Yeah, I’m starting to think we were switched at birth. Maybe your dad would rather you were a bit more like me, studious and motivated to get through as much school as possible, as quickly as possible- but my mom? God, Donna Smoak would have given just about anything for me to be like you. She was constantly trying to convince me to go to parties, she promised to put me on the pill by my 14th birthday… hell, when I got  _ the talk _ a year ago- it not only came with a copy of  _ Our Bodies, Ourselves _ , but a purple vibrator and a conversation about the importance of pleasing yourself before involving someone else in the equation. I mean, the few times I had a study partner over after school- she offered them weed! She tried to buy me a Homecoming dress this year and it barely covered my ass OR my boobs!”  _

_ “Wow, I’m trying to imagine what that would be like- but I can’t even really imagine having a parent who’s around more than 10 weeks a year.” _

_ “Yeah, see, you say that like it’s a bad thing!” _

_ They spent the next two hours swapping stories about their parents about their childhoods, usually lamenting over their parental figures’ over or under involvement. Before they knew it it was 5:00, Tommy paid the check and they were laughing and talking with each other easily, affectionately even. As they walked out of the Waffle House Tommy even draped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her in for a side hug.  _

_ That was the night that Tommy really took her under his wing, where she became his baby sister, not the freaky Goth Gremlin who lived down the hall; and Felicity began to feel like even without her mom, she wasn’t alone- she had a friend, a brother, a confidante- she could talk to him and he would talk to her, and it was amazing! _

_ It wasn’t an instant bond like in a movie, and they still didn’t have all that much in common, but they would talk and share things. He would talk about playing on his school’s baseball team, about Ollie and his crush of the week; she would talk about growing up in Vegas (she even agreed to try and teach him how to count cards). Whatever brief periods Malcolm was home, he would see them getting along and just smile, as though this had been his plan all along- giving Tommy a little sister.  _

_ And she was changing Tommy. She was so bright and generally happy- despite her weird goth look. It wasn’t exactly that her love of learning was rubbing off on him, but she was helping his school work. After he got a particularly bad grade on a math exam she started to tutor him- and she had a way of explaining pre-calculus so that actually made sense- not to mention the insane programs she was able to build into his graphing calculator to pretty much do the work for him- he just had to remember which buttons to press for which questions. It got to be a thing that he would drive her home from school at least three days a week and they would spend a few hours in the kitchen or his room studying- her helping him with whatever assignments he had because, honestly, her homework was usually half done before she even left the class.  _

_ If only things with her and Malcolm were nearly as good as they were with her brother. Her father was perfectly cordial- when he was around. After the initial shock of finding out that he had a daughter had worn off, he had made some cursory attempts at trying to “get to know her”- they basically seemed to mean trying to force her into normal girly hobbies like ice skating or dancing. Felicity had actually liked horseback riding lessons and didn’t mind gymnastics for a few months (until a broken wrist ended that one), but ballet had been a no-go from the second she came into her room to find tights and a leotard.  _


	2. You and Me, Smoak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At age 14, Felicity and Tommy spend the Holidays together.

When Felicity turned 14 Malcolm had asked if she had any interest in the cotillions planned for the Spring, but Felicity had just laughed for a solid minute at that question, clearly indicating that no- she did not have any interest in that kind of Society crap. She knew he was disappointed she didn’t want to take that “normal” step for their circle. Tommy was delighted about Malcolm’s annoyance.

“You know what Liss? Sometimes it’s nice to know that disappointing my father is a family trait- it isn’t just me. Now we have even more in common!” Tommy just smiled at her when Malcolm canceled on yet another promise to spend the holidays together, just the three of them. It wasn’t long after the cotillion conversation and Felicity hadn’t actually seen her father since that fight, about two months ago. That was by no means the longest stretch of time he had been away in the last 15 months since she’d come to live with them, but it was the first time it felt like his absence was her fault.

Tommy looped an arm around and her and pulled her into his body as they sat on the couch, she cried about how it was all her fault and he tried to calm her down- but come on, he was an 18 year old guy, what the hell did he know about girls and their emotions?

“It’s fine, actually, I love it when he’s away this time of year! You’ll come with me to the Queens- it’s always a good time! They have this big fancy Christmas party and we stay up all night on Christmas Eve to open presents and drink eggnog and I’ll even let you join me and Ollie while we watch Die Hard!”

“Die Hard? How is that a Christmas movie?”

“What? It’s THE Christmas movie, I promise, you will love them! We watch the first two and then sometimes, if we’re still awake and not too smashed, we’ll put in the first Lethal Weapon and it’s everything Christmas should be!”

“I’m Jewish- I’ve never celebrated Christmas before.”

“Never?” And he stopped and thought about it- the year before was when she had broken her wrist immediately before the holidays, so Malcolm decided they should probably cancel the trip to Mexico he had suggested (and probably never bothered to book, Tommy thought) since she wouldn’t be able to swim or anything anyways. She stayed home while Tommy spent the week at Oliver’s. Tommy was going through an insane love affair with some girl named Casey and had pretty much forgotten everything but her- preferring to be around other lovesick couples like Oliver and his (at the time on again) girlfriend, Laurel Lance.

“No… Mom and I always did Hanukkah, she always said it made more sense since we lived in the middle of a desert anyways, not exactly a North Pole Winter Wonderland.” Tommy looked at her closely before he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.

“Well, I think it’s pretty clear what we need to do then- it’s about time you learned the true meaning of Christmas- I’m going to go make some calls and get started on this, we need to make this the most kick ass Christmas EVER.” He smiled at her and winked right before he left the room, he was a man on a mission and would not be distracted.

And that was exactly the kind of thing that Felicity had come to love about her brother. Although a lot of people thought he was shallow and vapid, and she thought there was a decent chance he didn’t know what the word vapid meant- she knew that once he got it into his head to do something for someone he loved, it was going to happen, and it was going to happen BIG. Maybe she should get a start on her Christmas shopping- she had no idea what to get Tommy, but it had to be epic.

_________________________

Two days before Christmas she was all packed up and sitting in the passenger seat of Tommy’s latest car- this one was actually the porsche he’d been asking for since he got accepted to two different Ivy League schools- Stanford and Harvard (and no, Felicity had not hacked into the admissions database to make it happen… well, she had hacked into it, but hadn’t had to in the end, he had actually gotten in on his own merits). Just two weeks ago the car had arrived in a dark silver finish and he’d told her to throw on her coat- they were going for a drive.

But now they were pulling up the drive to the Queen mansion and Felicity was dreading meeting so many people at one time (she knew Ollie, sure, but apparently that was just the tip of the iceberg for the week ahead of her).

As they pulled up and parked in front, before she was even fully out of the car, a bundle of energy with dark hair came running out the door, shrieking Tommy’s name as he stepped out of the car. Felicity watched as Tommy laughed and picked her up, twirling her around and laughing, not at all caught off guard.

“Hey Thea, how’s the prettiest girl in Starling?” She just giggled as he hugged her, blushing a little bit- it was clear the ten year old girl was pretty much in love with Tommy. She peered around his shoulder, noticing Felicity for the first time.

“Who is that Tommy? She isn’t your girlfriend.”

“Speedy, come on, you know Tommy has a little sister- he saw how awesome it was and had to go get one of his own.” That was Ollie’s voice, he was coming out of the house and leaned in to give Felicity a quick peck on the cheek, surprising her and causing her to blush. Then Thea was down on the ground and walking towards Felicity, checking her out boldly before she stuck out her hand to shake it.

“Hi, I’m Thea. They call me Speedy.” She looked back at the guys, rolling her eyes at their antics. “But I keep begging them not to and no one else gets to call me that.” Felicity took her hand and shook it, surprised at the girl’s energy- she hadn’t ever spent much time with kids.

“Hi, I’m Felicity.”

“Felicity- that’s pretty. I like it. Do you like horses? I can show you mine.” And with that Thea took Felicity’s hand again and was dragging her around to the back of the house- Felicity looked back at Tommy nervously, asking with her eyes if this was ok- but Tommy was just laughing and shaking his head at them.

That night was the Queen’s annual Christmas Party and Felicity was trying to figure out what to wear- she had brought a few dresses but Thea was not liking any of the options as she held them up.

“Felicity, for God’s sake, you’re 14 ½, but those dresses look like the stuff my mom makes me wear- don’t you have anything a bit hotter? Something sexy?” Felicity went bright red at that idea- sexy was not a word anyone would ever associate with the short, skinny girl who had mousy brown hair (Malcolm was not a fan of the goth look and Felicity had stopped wearing it- she didn’t want Tommy to be embarrassed by her around his friends).

“Thea, be serious; what about the purple dress? You don’t think that would work?” She held up a dress that was a sleeveless velvet top with some crystal beadwork and a long chiffon skirt.

“Felicity, seriously, I wouldn’t have worn that when I was 8.”

“Well, Thea, I don’t really have much, so what’s my least terrible option?”

That was exactly when her brother poked his head into the guest room Felicity was staying in this week.

“Hey, am I interrupting anything?” Thea’s smile at Tommy’s presence was hilarious to Felicity- wow, that kid had it bad.

“Hey, Tommy, nope- you’re not interrupting anything important. Thea is just telling me I have the wardrobe of a Kindergartner.”

“Well, then, it’s probably a good thing I did a little shopping for you.” From behind his back he pulled a big white box wrapped with a giant red ribbon and Felicity’s eyes just got big while Thea gasped and started to clap her hands as Tommy handed his sister the box. She reached for it and gingerly pulled at the ribbon to open it. As she lifted the lid and gently opened the layers of tissue paper and gasped when she saw the dress.

It was a lavender fabric with silver sparkling swirls woven throughout and crystal spaghetti straps. She lifted the dress out of the box and it was long, full length with a slit up the side that would go a few inches above her knee. Thea clapped her hands jumping up and down.

“Oh, Felicity, it’s perfect! Tommy, it’s so pretty, wow, it’s amazing! Holy crap, you’re going to be so gorgeous Felicity!” Felicity’s eyes were tearing up as she looked at the size and noticed he even got that right, it was amazing. No one had done anything so nice or personal for her before- her mom always tried to be thoughtful, but they were such different people and were so broke all of the time… and since her mom had died and she had come to Starling City, she had been content with her life- but the last six months or so with Tommy- she felt genuinely cherished.

“Felicity, are you ok? Do you not like it! Dammit, I knew I should have taken a girl with me to pick it out. Laurel would have gone with me, or Sara- I mean, I asked their opinions a little bit, but I should have taken a girl with me.”

“What?”

“The dress- you don’t like it- it’s ok.” Felicity realized what he was saying and had to shake off her shock to run over to him and throw her arms around him, squeezing him tightly.

“It’s absolutely stunning, Tommy. I love it. I just… wow. You’ve made me speechless, and you know that’s saying something.” He looked at her, checking to make sure she was telling the truth - she just exhaled before pulling him in for one more hug.

“Oh, phew! I was so worried I didn’t get it right, I haven’t really ever bought clothes for a girl to wear outside of the bedroom.” He winked at her and she just shoved at him.

“Ugh, you’re so gross, Tommy.” He leaned in and gave her a sloppy, wet kiss on her cheek.

“But you love me- especially when I buy you pretty things, baby sister!” He turned around and left the room and walking down the hall to his room to get ready. Felicity turned back to Thea who was already rooting around in Felicity’s stuff for the right shoes for the dress and muttering something about curls.

When Felicity walked down the stairs that night to the gala, she was completely entranced. There was a Christmas tree in just about every room she walked through- all of them at least 8 feet tall and impeccably decorated. There were musicians playing in the main room- all of the furniture had been taken out and there were couples dancing… she felt like she was in an old-fashioned movie. Tommy smiled when he saw her enter the room, she was such a tiny little thing- shy, nervous- but she was also beautiful- it was the first time he ever really noticed that. For the first time, instead of looking like she was Thea’s age, she looked like someone who would be going to college soon- her hair piled up in curls atop her head, stiletto heels and a slit he had not thought would be that high and was sort of regretting. Shit, he was so screwed once she became more interested in boys than her computers.

At one point he convinced Ollie to dance with her, which he did valiantly- trying to make her laugh, but she found him tiresome and more than a little silly. Tommy danced with her twice, he brought her eggnog a few times (with just a splash of bourbon) and made sure she got a chance to meet Robert Queen- one of her idols. She had been blathering for weeks now about a new microprocessor Queen Consolidated was developing that had been featured in some magazine and once he connected her and Robert he couldn’t tear her from his side- and that night Robert learned that she was a certified genius and planning on an education at CalTech or MIT starting in two years- and he was already pressing her about coming to work for them the next summer.

The next day, Christmas Eve, Ollie and Tommy arranged to take Felicity and Thea on a horse drawn sleigh before dinner- then they had still more eggnog and everyone got to open one present, a set of matching pajamas- Felicity almost cried when she got a set too. Then Christmas morning had everyone up at 7:00- the earliest Thea was allowed to wake anyone. When she arrived at the foot of the stairs Tommy had coffee ready for her (they had already come to terms with her obscene daily intake of coffee she had been used to since she was about 11, the best way she could stay up late into the night and study from the back room at Caesars Palace while her mother waited tables).

Felicity was shocked and emotional at the realization that her pile of presents was just as big as everyone else’s that morning. Granted, many of the gifts were somewhat impersonal- she had the impression Moira had simply told someone to shop for a 14 year old girl- there was makeup and skincare kits, gift certificates to stores at the mall, perfume… but there were some personalized standouts as well.

From Thea she got a complete set of the fantasy series she had told her she loved, as well as the latest Harry Potter movie (they had spent a lot of time bonding over which house they would each belong to and who they would have dated- Felicity admitted Neville seemed totally her type and she bet he was going to be hot once he grew up). Oliver gave her a gift certificate to the Apple store, she had been dreaming about some speakers there and had told him about them, trying to find something they could talk about when Tommy had been on the phone a few days before. Malcolm, as usual, had sent a card full of promises for some family time together, that summer- what about Greece, he asked… and a large check that Felicity knew would go straight into her bank account to try and help pay for books while in college.

But Tommy’s gift was the one that was beyond unexpected. It was a small box, which confused her- he was lavish gift giver, she assumed he would buy her a new computer or a horse or maybe even a freakin’ car. But, it was actually a tiny little velvet box and she was totally speechless when she opened it and saw a simple but stunning emerald-shaped sapphire pendant on a long white gold chain. She just looked up at him- it was much too much.

“Tommy- I… it’s beautiful, I love it… but it’s too much!”

He just moved to sit closer to her, putting an arm around her, kissing the top of her head.

“Hey, you’re my sister, absolutely nothing is too much for you- you’re my favorite girl in the whole world. Besides, this, actually, was our grandmother’s. Dad doesn’t know I gave it to you- fuck, I’m not sure he remembers it exists or that we have a grandmother. But I thought you could use some kind of reminder that, for better or worse- you are a Merlyn. You are stuck with us- well, me, you can tell Malcolm is kind of a non-entity. You have been the best thing to happen to me ever, and I love you. You and me, Smoak- til the wheels fall off.”


	3. So Much Catching Up To Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flash forward to Oliver Queen being found!! (Please remember the story is going to jump around- italics generally mean it's the past- before Oliver returns in 2012). 
> 
> PLEASE, comment- it helps me figure out where to take this story that has pretty much NO outline, I'm also taking requests/prompts!

_ Breaking News: Billionaire Oliver Queen has been found on an island in the North China Sea.  _

The news was everywhere- every television station, news website, radio station… so if Felicity hadn’t spent her entire day trying to clean up the latest executive’s PC after the dirty old man clicked on an ad and wound up in a particularly disgusting and depraved pornado… she may have seen it sooner. Instead she was most of the way to meet Tommy and Thea for dinner, grabbing at her phone on the front seat to text one of them that she was stuck in traffic, and that’s when she saw the 17 missed calls from various numbers and a few texts from Tommy saying “Urgent! Call/text me!” She clicked the dial button, checking that her Bluetooth earpiece was connected. 

“Tommy, I’m sorry- today has just been absolutely bananas- you wouldn’t believe the porn I caught one of my execs-”

“Lis, he’s alive! Oliver is alive!” Fuck. Not this again. For the last five years he had gotten his hopes up over and over again, unable to accept that his best friend, his brother really, was gone. Felicity took a breath and steeled herself to have  _ this  _ conversation for what felt like the ten thousandth time, bringing out her gentle but firm voice.

“Oh, Sweetie, we talked about this- this isn’t good for you, for Thea, for Maddie-” She was trying to be supportive, but this just wasn’t healthy. 

“No, you don’t understand, it’s real this time- it’s all over the news! Some fishermen found him on some island in the China Sea! The Chinese Consulate called Moira after they matched his fingerprints and he’s being flown here on a QC jet!” Ok, this was a twist. It had usually been “but someone logged into his email” or “there was a hit on his bank account” or “I got a photo from a PI and I swear, it looks just like him!” 

“Wait. What? I can’t- I mean…” Felicity just trailed off, she had no idea how to react, what to say…she had no kind of context in her life for how to behave when someone comes back from the dead- how are you supposed to act, what do you say? Very briefly she wondered whether there was any kind of greeting card or etiquette book to help? She shook her head, trying to come back to the moment- Tommy was still talking. 

“Moira is going to meet him at the hospital after the doctors check him out- I mean, I guess he’ll be in pretty bad shape after all this time… like, worse than Tom Hanks in  _ Castaway _ . Oh my God, has even seen that movie? When did that come out? I don’t remember… anyways, it doesn’t matter…That’s not important. Lis, he’ll be released tonight or tomorrow and then we’re going to have dinner all together…” She could hear the emotions he was fighting, the weight in his voice telling her he was struggling with tears and excitement and trepidation. “Lis, can you believe it?” She heard it all in his tone, heard how his brain was obviously darting all over the place. She heard the absolute joy over his best friend’s return, the total shock of it all, the fear that his friend would be different- not to mention some very rational concerns over what Oliver was going to think of all the ways things had changed since he’d been gone… But she had to admit that she had a few tears forming in her own eyes. 

“Uh, yeah, Tommy, I heard you… it’s just… wow! I mean, I’m just- I’m so happy, Tommy! Have you talked to Thea yet?” She heard the pause. 

“Yeah, about that- she’s actually the one who told me… and, well, she was sort of hoping that maybe you could come over to the house instead of meeting for dinner at Perry’s? I’m headed there myself… she sounded like she needed some help wrapping her head around it all… figuring out what she’s going to tell him… How she’s going to fill him in on everything... She’s definitely feeling some anxiety over it all.” 

_ Yeah, I bet she’s not the only one who’s a bit worried on that front, huh?  _

“Oh, yeah, of course… umm, I can be there in 15-20 minutes, does that work?” She was in the process of turning on her blinker signalling that she was going to flip a bitch at the light coming up- heading to the Queen estate as quickly as she could.

“You’re the absolute bestest sister a guy could ever have been saddled with, Lis. See you then!”

Less than half an hour later they were seated in the Queen family media room- Tommy with a beer, Felicity with a glass of wine and Thea with a mug of coffee. They had already spent ten minutes just hugging and crying and laughing at the great news that Oliver was coming home, but that had quickly morphed into a weird, awkward silence. Now they sat there, mulling over what this meant for each of them, it had been five years and so much had happened in that time.  _ Well, may as well just jump right into the deep end- _ Felicity thought to herself before speaking up, trying to sound relaxed, but you could pretty much hear the forced smile in her voice.

“So, I guess he’s going to have a lot to catch up on, huh? Lots of changes in five years.” Tommy and Thea sat quietly, nodding, trying to figure out how to handle all of this. “I mean, I’m not just talking about you guys and everything that you’ve had going on… I mean, wow, the world is just so different…  _ Lost  _ ended- leaving us with more questions than answers really, so that was big. And the Kardashians have how many tv shows these days? It’s got to be about double what it was when he left. Oh, black president, that’s gonna be new for him…” Wow, tough crowd- not a single smile.

“And then, I mean, again- me- I’ve definitely changed... last time he saw me I was in Boston and heavily into that tragic Goth phase, trying to figure out if Cooper liked me… Now I’m blond and work at QC and I spend way more time binge-watching Dr. Who than playing any kind of RPG online… But at least I still talk way too much, so that hasn’t really changed, especially when I’m nervous and trying to break the tension; you know, cause you guys haven’t really addressed any of the news you’re going to have to deliver, and pretty quickly upon his return. Then again, you both know that- and it’s probably why you’re being so quiet, but you know that when I’m confronted by awkward silence I have to fill it by babbling utter nonsense and it’s really mean you aren’t saying anything to put me out of my misery... so I’m just going to stop here in  3-2-1.” She trailed off at the end as she realized no one was paying attention to her. She looked from Oliver’s best friend to his baby sister, not sure which one to tackle first. 

“I mean, in terms of what is going to be too hard to hide...  I guess the  _ most  _ totally unavoidable elephant in the room is yours, Thea. Which reminds me, where is Maddie?”

“She’s with Raisa at the supermarket. I kind of needed some time to myself to think about it all, you know, to process and… yeah, think, I guess.” Felicity nodded- it was a lot to figure out. How do you tell your insanely protective big brother who probably still thinks of you like you’re 12 and obsessed with  _ Harry Potter _ and  _ Saved by the Bell _ that you had a baby at 16? No wonder there were giant crocodile tears in the girl's’ eyes as she looked at the blonde woman who was partially bestfriend, partially big sister, partially therapist some days. 

“God, Lis, I’m so excited he’s coming back, I’m so relieved and happy and like a million other things, and  _ all  _ I’ve wanted the last two years is for him to get a chance to meet her- be her Uncle Ollie… but now that it’s here, now that it’s happening, what the hell am I going to tell him? He’s going to hate me!” Felicity had to pause at that one and look at her friend in the face, surprised. She put down her glass and moved to sit next to the upset brunette her arms around her as she tried to make her look her in the face.

“Hey, now, none of that! I mean, I get that you’re nervous- it’s definitely not nothing, but seriously, Thea, come on, you’re being an idiot. Your brother loves you so much- I bet he hasn’t stopped thinking about you once since he’s been gone. He’s going to be so happy to have you back he won’t be able to think about anything other than how much he loves you. And as for Maddie, I mean, come on, have you met the guy that doesn’t fall at her feet instantly? Even m _ y  _ idiot brother-” Tommy protested with a noise at that one, causing Felicity to good-naturedly roll her eyes. “My idiot brother, THE  _ former _ playboy of Starling, actually has a car seat he keeps in his trunk at all times just in case he needs it for her… and I’m pretty sure he’s spent the bulk of his trust fund on toys and clothes for her. If HE fell under her spell, no way Oliver can resist.”

“But he’s going to be so disappointed in me! He expected me to do so much, to go to college and make something of my life and I’m just such a massive screw up!”

Tommy piped in, trying to be helpful now. 

“Hey, Speedy, come on, you are  _ not  _ a screw up- no way could he ever be disappointed in you! Not to mention, Felicity isn’t totally wrong about Maddie. I mean, did you ever meet a pretty brunette Oliver  _ didn’t _ fall for instantly?” Thea smiled at that one- it was true, it didn’t seem likely that her big brother would stand much of a chance against her gorgeous daughter… but that wasn’t nearly so much of an issue as telling him all of the circumstances that had brought the girl into being. There was so much she had done in the last 5 years she never wanted her brother to know about, that she didn’t think she could ever tell him about. Felicity could see the beginnings of a panic attack coming on and reached out to hold Thea’s hand, trying to be a calming presence as she made the younger girl look her in the eyes. 

“Thea, just breathe- remember, in and out, repeat as necessary… we’ve been through this, you did nothing wrong and Maddie is an amazing miracle, right?” Thea was struggling to control her breath, control her body, get her heart beat under control and stop her hands from shaking. She met Felicity’s stare and found those sparkling blue eyes calming, like usual. Thank God for this woman, Thea seriously didn’t know how she would have survived some of the worst of the last few years without her- she genuinely didn’t think she would be here today without Felicity and Tommy being the unwavering cheerleaders they had been.

Speaking of, her sort of big brother was sitting off to the side, looking at Thea but not wanting to butt in, this emotional pep talk stuff was Felicity’s strong suit, not his. Not to mention, as thrilled as he was about his best friend’s return, he had more than a little bit of a reason to be nervous himself. Thea caught his eye and a wicked sparkle caught in hers… a devious grin took over his face as she arched an eyebrow at him. 

“Enough about me and my impossible situation, Tommy, any thoughts on what  _ you’re  _ going to tell him?” Thea was clearly trying to shift the conversation away from something she wasn’t quite ready to handle… but she was also taking a somewhat twisted pleasure in seeing the man squirm. 

“Ummm I don’t really think there is much I need to tell him about tonight. I was thinking that maybe I’d take him out tomorrow, show him around the city- all the changes, ease him in a bit… maybe throw him a killer welcome back from the dead bash…”

“And then just casually slip in there that you’re engaged to the supposed love of his life whose sister he took on a boat for a few weeks of wild monkey sex, only to get said sister killed when the boat sank?” Thea really could be both evil and succinct in a disturbing way. Tommy just glared back at her- since he couldn’t refute anything she just said.

“Well, I definitely wasn’t going to put it like that. And it was hopefully going to be after I’d gotten him both drunk and laid.” Felicity snorted from her seat, grabbing her glass of wine and shaking her head. At Tommy’s curious glance she responded.

“Look, first of all, I have a feeling that after five years alone on an island, the last thing that he’s going to feel like doing is go to a massive party with girls grinding up against him, no space to move, and tons of booze- I mean, when do you think he had alcohol last? Yeah, sounds perfect to “ease” him back into civilization.” Tommy turned slightly red, embarrassed he hadn’t thought about any of that- he actually had thought he was going to get back his best friend, Ollie Queen and they’d go back to who they were five years ago… well, a little bit like who they were five years ago- some things obviously were different now. 

“But, regardless, Tommy, like I said to Thea,  _ you _ did nothing wrong- we thought he was dead, and I think that Laurel had the right to move on to absolutely anyone she wanted after he took her sister on that trip… it’s not like you two just started bangin’ like bunnies the second the boat went down… I mean, it took you two years to even get her to go on  _ one  _ date with you! She only said she’d marry you like two weeks ago…” She looked at the two people in the room, the two people she considered family- really the only two people she had considered family in a very long time, and saw how tortured they both looked. She came to a decision, downed the rest of her glass of wine and sighed, loudly.

“Ok, fine, I’ll make you two a deal. Thea, there is no way you’re going to keep Maddie from her Uncle tonight, so you’re going to have to introduce them- but I’ll talk to him and fill him in-” At the look on Thea’s face, a mix of relief and terror she held up a hand, “Don’t worry, the broad strokes only, ok? I’ll try to keep it to the need to know information, alright?” Thea nodded, definitely feeling lighter, now she only had to survive introducing her brother to her adorable baby girl, that was totally doable.  She may not be so proud of a lot of things she had done a few years ago, but she was actually pretty content with her life right now and she agreed that her daughter was a miracle and a much needed light in the dark of the last five years. 

That having been dealt with, Felicity turned to her older brother. He looked at her hopefully, making her chuckle.

“Nope, sorry, you’re still going to be the one to tell him about you and Laurel…  _ but,  _ you don’t have to tell him tonight. If it comes up, just stick to you’re engaged and you can’t wait to talk to him about- keep it vague. Give him at least a  week to settle in, get used to just being around people before throwing your party. You only have to tell him about Laurel sometime before that party- I’m going to recommend like the day before, ok? Be honest, tell him how it went down- tell him how you were there for her as her family fell apart, how you helped get Lance into treatment, how you guys did long distance through her law school, took it slow… He’s going to be happy for you- and her. As much of a dick as he was, he did love her, he’ll be glad she’s happy. Just, don’t try to sell it, you didn’t do anything wrong, you don’t have to apologize, just be considerate, ok?” 

He nodded, processing what she said. 

“You always know exactly what to do and say, how is that possible?” He got up and leaned down to kiss her forehead. She shrugged her shoulders.

“Eh, well, you know, I  _ am  _ a certified genius.”

“Yeah, yeah, I think I heard that somewhere in the last 10 years…” He smiled down at her and she smiled up at him- once again glad she had decided to come back to Starling a few years ago- she had missed Tommy after he left Boston to come home and then she and Thea had really bonded in that time. They had become quite the cozy little three-person family, and maybe there was room to add one more into that mix- that was a happy thought, right?

_________________________________________

“What did I tell you? Yachts suck.” Oliver’s back was towards the hall that Tommy entered from- he had always just parked in the garage and let himself in whatever door was closest- usually if it was near dinnertime, it was the one by the kitchen. Oliver smiled… it was small but genuine, at the sound of his best friend’s voice, turning to find the man who had been like his brother since he was just a few years old.

“Tommy Merlyn.” The two men embraced and for a moment Oliver was wondering if it  _ was _ actually possible to really go home again. Tommy looked the same as always and given his distinctive swagger as he walked and million watt smile, it seemed like he hadn’t really changed at all, and that was what he craved, everything being just like it had been when he left on that damn boat. They ended the hug and Tommy was just starting to talk about going out for drinks in the next few nights- maybe a club, they had so much to catch up on...  Until he was interrupted by a dark haired little speedball that came barrelling past Oliver with some woman running after her, “Maddie, no!” The little girl in a pink lacy dress ran straight up to Tommy who reacted fast enough to pick her up as she said shouted,

“Uncle Tommy!!!!” Oliver was shocked as his friend turned his high wattage smile on the little girl, kissing her noisily on the cheek, causing her to giggle loudly. The strange blond woman was smiling and shaking her head indulgently as though this was a regular occurrence. Oliver was trying to process the picture in front of him when he heard a small voice from the top of the stairs. 

“Ollie?” He turned ready for the sight he had missed the most over the last five years, but barely recognized the beautiful, poised woman who was at the top of the stairs- she looked so grown up… but he couldn’t keep from smiling as she ran down the stairs to him, throwing herself in his arms- much like the smaller girl just had to Tommy.

“I just knew you couldn’t be dead. I knew it.” The siblings hugged tightly as she cried and he teared up. 

“I missed you so much, Speedy.” She pulled away from him at that, smiling but playfully rolling her eyes. 

“Worst. Nickname. Ever.”

“I don’t know, I think that it fit you back when you used to go chasing after me and…” All of a sudden things were clicking:  _ Uncle Tommy,  _ the mini-version of Thea running straight at his best friend faster than should have been possible on her tiny legs… He looked over to his mother, to Walter (he still couldn’t figure out why his dad’s friend and business partner was there) and then back to his little sister. Thea was looking desperately and nervously at Tommy and then the strange blond woman, who must have been, what, the nanny? The nanny just smiled and nodded and that seemed to give Thea a little bit of courage- she took Oliver’s hand and walked him over to Tommy who was still holding the beautiful little brunette- a girl that had suddenly gotten more than a little shy, burying her head in Tommy’s shoulder. 

“Oliver, I want you to meet my daughter- your niece, Madeline Grace Queen. Maddie, can you turn around and say hi to your Uncle Oliver?” The girl just turned and smiled shyly at Oliver, a dimple on her cheek and she held up a slightly curled fist, like she was waving at him. Oliver was stunned. He had imagined a lot of scenarios coming home… he had even briefly thought about Tommy being married with a kid or his mom being remarried… the idea of his baby sister having a toddler had seriously never occurred to him. 

He realized everyone was looking at him, especially the nanny (Oliver would be totally lying if he hadn’t checked her out- petite with striking bright blue eyes, killer legs and seriously, her ass… that ass had him rethinking his plans in regards to celibacy and remaining solitary while he reacclimated)… She raised an eyebrow at him and he suddenly felt like he was supposed to know who she was. Shit, everyone was looking at him- including apparently, his niece. 

He didn’t know what to do so he just smiled, remembering when Thea looked like her, when she was that age… and so he raised his hand and waved at her. He tried to soften his voice, not having spoken much in the last few days… well, weeks, actually. “Hi Maddie, I’m your Uncle Oliver. It’s nice to meet you.” She was smiling back at him, making Oliver feel just a little bit lighter, man, she looked exactly like her mom! The girl seemed about to go to him, wanting a hug… when she let out a big yawn. 

“Uh-oh, looks like someone is sleepy- I think it’s time little Madeline goes to bed. I’m going to go ahead and put her down, then I’ll be down for dinner, ok?” Thea expertly took her daughter from Tommy and started towards the stairs as everyone waved and called out good night to the little girl and Oliver was faced by the nanny- a bit confused why  _ she  _ wasn’t taking the girl up to bed. 

Tommy looked at her too, pulling her to him and kissing her on the temple, messing with her hair. 

“What happened to keeping her away for ten minutes until we could talk to him, Lis?” He was teasing and she was rolling her eyes and it hit him. 

“Felicity?” Oliver’s eyes were bigger than saucers as he realized who this was… but… how… wow! He was standing there, just trying to process all the information he had gotten in the last two minutes as she and Tommy looked at each other and burst out laughing. 

“That’s it, you owe me $20! I told you he wouldn’t recognize you!” Felicity was laughing as she looked at Oliver, shaking her head. Oliver was just standing there, staring. When he had last seen Felicity, at her 18th birthday party (a few weeks late so she could be home from her internship in Boston); she had dark hair with a surprisingly complimentary streak of purple in her hair… she hadn’t been in her “goth” look- it was a classy party at a club, but she had been in a black dress, darker makeup, her cartilage ring and nose ring. Now she was a curvy blond with a high pony tail, wearing pink and gray with tall pink stilettos… Bright makeup and lipstick that was suddenly very distracting to Oliver… and he had to shake his head and look away for a second. 

“In all fairness, Tommy, I think I’ve probably changed the most, looks wise at least, of anyone here, so it’s not all that surprising.” She smiled and looked softly at Oliver, they had always been close- she had been sort of like a little sister, but also someone Oliver could talk to, someone who was able to talk some sense into him sometimes and frequently called him out on his dumber moves. He smiled back at her and she moved to hug him- standing on her tiptoes to be able to wrap her arms around his neck. “It’s good to see you, Oliver. Also, good call getting rid of the serial killer, Joran van der Sloot hair… that was just awful.” She laughed lightly and he couldn’t help but notice that it sounded almost musical as she kissed his cheek and turned to Moira. 

“So, dinner in the dining room?” She then linked her arms at the elbow with Tommy and Oliver on either side and walked them into the dining room- it had been a long day and she was dying for some steak.

_____________________________________________________________

Oliver couldn’t wait to escape to his room, angry and frustrated and feeling as lost as ever during that dinner. From Tommy trying to pick up where things left off when he disappeared- filling him in on Superbowls and talking about going out on the town, getting reacquainted with Starling… his mom wanting him to join them at QC, as though he was suddenly qualified to do anything of the kind… then there was the bombshell that his mom had married his dad’s best friend, Walter and he was currently running the company! Of course Thea was clearly feeling uncomfortable and Oliver knew they were going to have a conversation he was sure neither were ready for… and then there was Felicity keeping an eye on him the entire time, silently asking him if he was ok- she’d always been able to see through his facade, cut right through whatever he was trying to hide.

Wow, Felicity. As much as his little sister having a baby while he was gone had been unexpected, he was maybe, somehow, still more thrown by the girl that used to be like a little sister/confidante/cheerleader… who now was a strong, funny, brilliant and gorgeous woman. She just exuded happiness and sunshine and peace...being around her just felt… good. 

But he had to focus, he had a mission- and he couldn’t get caught up in anything that might be a distraction to that mission- he was here to right his father’s wrongs- that was all that mattered. He needed to keep his distance- he needed his edge, he needed to be able to count on staying hardened and alert- once he finished his plans, maybe he could try to have something like a life again- but in the meantime, he couldn’t be distracted by old-fashioned movie nights or buying out football stadiums for lingerie football games with Supermodels or anything else he used to do with Felicity or Tommy or Thea forever ago. 

Just as he was feeling confident in his resolution to stay away from Felicity- to keep his distance from Thea and her daughter and Tommy, there was a knock at his open door. He looked up to see the very blond he had just decided to avoid. She smiled at him and for a second he couldn’t believe he hadn’t recognized her instantly- she may have dyed her hair and done away with the nose ring (and some of her more questionable fashion choices), but she’d always had that million watt smile that reached all the way to her eyes.

“So, tell me honestly, which was tougher: 5 years on a desert island or 45 minutes at the dinner table with your family?” Again, he smiled; she had always been good at reading him, he had missed that. Then he noticed she was carrying something- she held up a bottle of wine and a plate of…

“Yep, Raisa’s cherry pie and red wine- the world’s  _ best  _ combo.” She moved into the room, sweeping past him to his desk drawer where he had always kept a corkscrew and bottle opener, motioning for him to grab glasses from their usual spot in the bureau- he was shocked to realize he had remembered where he kept his barware (usually hidden away- first from his parents, and then after a very eventful graduation party, from Felicity and Thea). He found two dusty tumblers and went into the en suite bathroom to rinse out five years of dust.

She poured them each a glass of dark, ruby Chateauneuf du Pape- an aroma he hadn’t smelled in five years but would never forget. She handed him the plate that had about ½ a pie on it with fresh whipped cream and two forks. They sat down in front of the soft, brown leather couch while she attacked the pie- she had always been an ice cream girl, but would happily put away any dessert put in front of her, and his favorite food in the world had always been this pie. He took a small bite and just savored the tart fruit filling and the flaky, buttery, perfect crust- it was the taste of being home. They sat in silence for a little while, something else he always loved about Felicity, while she could babble and ramble with the best of them, she also had an incredible sense for when he needed to not talk, when he just needed a minute to think. 

“So, you were sent in here as Ambassador to the Castaway?” Felicity was surprised he started the conversation- he didn’t used to be as direct as he had been at most times today. (‘ _ I didn’t realize you were interested in sleeping with my mother’ having been the best example of a new level of awareness/acuity, and was definitely more blunt than he would have been five years ago).  _ She just blushed slightly and smiled, he clearly nailed it.

“How did you know?” He just shrugged in response and she sighed, looking up towards the heavens. “This is the problem with all of you Gentiles- why do I always get this job? It’s not particularly fun, you know? Being the messenger and peace maker…”

“Yeah, but you’re the one I’m least likely to fight with.” She snorted just a bit at that. “Hey, I said  _ least  _ likely. So come on, why don’t we rip off the bandaid… tell me what you’ve been sent in here for- I’m a big boy, I can take it.”

“Uh, any particular place you want me to start?”

“Well, I guess you don’t have to handle the news about Walter and my mother.”

“Yeah, cats out of the bag on that one. I actually warned them that by having Walter here it was going to raise questions… then again, I guess my plan to not have Maddie there so soon after you got back didn’t really work out either- so what do I know?” She noticed Oliver tensing at the mention of his niece. She smiled softly as she speared another piece of pie, she had been pretty sure that was the best place to begin. 

“And I guess that’s where I’m starting. Which is probably for the best, it’s not a great story and I’m going to need you to hear me out and save your questions for later, ok? Also, I promised Thea I would give you the bullet points only- there is a lot about the story that isn’t really mine to share and you’re going to have to get the rest from her, understood?” He noticed how seriously she was taking this and decided to refill each of their glasses before nodding for her to start. She just looked out the window, trying to figure out how to even start telling this story.

“So, obviously when you… disappeared, well, it was tough, for everyone. Tommy and I were in Boston- I mean, we came out for the memorial service and everything, but it wasn’t until Christmas that year we found out that your mother wasn’t leaving her room- like, at all. Thea was barely attending school, Walter was trying to fill in at the company while your mom just spent all day in her room sleeping or crying over pictures- they refused to put up any Christmas decorations over the holidays... We tried to help, we stayed here- God knows where the hell Malcolm was, I’m sure he didn’t even notice we weren’t at the Manor. We took Thea to the cabin up in the Cascades, Tommy actually got her to go out and ski a few times… too bad Tommy also thought I could ski after I had four long island iced teas... I ended up breaking my ankle in four places, and let me just tell you that winter in Boston on crutches is a bitch and a half… but that’s another story.” He smiled at her, she always had this crazy A.D.D-esque way of telling stories, jumping around just a bit, but adding so much flare and color it was worth hanging in there. She had another drink of her wine, allowing herself a minute to just let the taste wash over her tongue as she geared up to tell the shitty part of this story.

“Well, we thought Thea was doing better so we left for Spring semester… but when we came home over the summer it was worse. Your mom still wasn’t really leaving the house much- hell, she was barely leaving her room, so Thea was just floundering… and that was when she really started to push limits. This was the beginning of her attempt to unseat you and Tommy as the party darlings of Starling. At first it was just skipping school, some light vandalism, cheating…. Then right after the one year mark of your dea- I mean disappearance… Ok, it’s weird talking about someone’s not-so-final death to their face…” Again Oliver found himself chuckling lightly, she was so… Felicity. 

“Anyways, Walter started to come by around the one year mark. He made your mom get up, leave the house and come into QC. And it helped, she threw herself into work there and actually seemed to be coming out of her insurmountable grief… and then after Christmas that year, Walter asked her out and pretty soon they started to date and that really upset Thea. I was back in Boston when she was arrested the first time.” Oliver looked up at her, his eyes dark and Felicity would have sworn he was about to growl.

“Whoa, hold on their- I know you’re upset. This isn’t the easiest story to hear, believe me, I lived it- not to mention it’s my favorite tale to tell. But you need to understand it’s going to get much worse, you aren’t going to like any of it, but you’re looking at me like you’re thinking about hunting people or something and that’s going to have to stop if you want me to keep going. Got it?” She was using a very stern voice, her “you’re being an impossible dumbass, Oliver” voice. He tried glaring at her, expecting her to shrink back, and while she might have 5 or 6 years ago, now she just met his glare and gave one right back, not backing down an inch. Finally he just sighed and nodded, finishing the wine in his glass before she restarted- he didn’t have much choice in the matter did he? 

“Ok. So I was still in Boston when Tommy got the call that she had been drunk and most likely high at a school dance. He got her out of it, there was a whole big attempt with Moira to get her into counseling… but that went down the tube pretty quick. She wasn’t going to school, she was partying, she was drinking and God knows what else. Then, a little more than 2 ½ years ago, I think I had just moved back to Starling and was starting at QC… oh, yeah, I work at QC now- in the IT department. And seriously, magine how well that went over with Malcolm, his daughter working for another company? Although, to his credit, he did say “at least you have an actual job, so you’re still less of a disappointment than your brother.” So that was charmingly true to character for him, I guess. Both of his children are hideous disappointments, but at least my being a graduate from MIT with a Masters by the age of 20 made me  _ slightly _ less awful than Tommy. Yeah, he’s still a dick, by the way.” She shook her head at the memory of that conversation- not that she had expected much different from her father, but perhaps a “nice going” or something wouldn’t have been too difficult for him to manage? She just shook her head, knowing now was not the time to analyze the enigma that was her biological father. 

  
“Anyways… I had just gotten back to town and was crashing here when Thea suddenly stopped partying; she stopped doing anything, really. She wasn’t doing school work, she wasn’t going out with friends, she wasn’t talking to  _ anyone-  _ not even me or Tommy, really- she just stayed in her room  _ all  _ of the time.”

Felicity paused, trying to take some breaths to calm herself, she could already feel a few tears threatening and she wasn’t going to lose it- this story was rough enough and certainly wasn’t going to be great for Oliver to hear- she needed to keep it at least mostly together to get it all out. But, although Felicity had spent a lot of time working with Thea to move past everything, she still felt a lot of personal guilt for not having caught it sooner, not doing something more, something earlier… she had failed on a fundamental level because she was so wrapped up in her own bullshit. She took another breath and a few gulps of wine before charging forward, needing to finish this story. 

“Finally, the day before your birthday, Tommy came by- they had started a tradition of spending the day before your birthday doing something fun together and then on your birthday they would go to your grave and talk to you… anyways, Tommy came by and went to her room to get her… and he found her in the bathroom… She uh… she had taken a handful of pills- we don’t even know where she got them, and had slit her wrists.” She looked up at Oliver and his face had instantly drained of all color, his eyes wide- she could practically see his brain working, trying to reconcile that with the girl that was his sister.

“Well, thank God he found her when he did because it was pretty bad.” Oliver looked like he wanted to hit something, strangle someone, not that she could blame him, but she needed him to stay calm. She reached out and grabbed his hand, lightly touching him, forcing him to look at her. “I swear, the story’s ending is pretty happy, so try to hang onto that, ok? Just a few more details that are going to suck beyond suck, but I need you to keep it together or I’m not going to be able to finish, ok?” She waited for him to take in a few deep breaths and nod before she kept talking, but she kept her hand on his, it did seem to calm him. 

“Tommy sprung into action- he called 911 and got her to the hospital… they managed to stitch up the bleeding, but she was unconscious for two days from the meds… and that’s when we found out that she was 3 months pregnant.” _ Oh, fuck it, I’m going to cry, I just need to keep it from becoming a blubbering mess  _ she thought briefly as the tears just started to fall- how had she thought she had any ability to not cry during this story. Oliver squeezed her hand as she let the tears go, but whether it was to comfort her or himself, she had no idea. After a minute of indulging in her sadness and guilt, she wiped her eyes, needing to just get through the rest. 

“Sorry, I just… I need to just finish getting this out… Honestly, it’s been almost three years and it’s still too fresh…” She shook her head and wiped at the tears on her cheeks. “Anyways, it uh… it turns out that Thea went to a party one night where she drank too much, took some pills… she uh- she woke up in a room while someone was… assaulting her.” She could sense Oliver tensing up even more, the anger emanating off him was palpable. 

“We didn’t know. We didn’t have a clue. I mean, looking back you can see the signs were there- it was  _ exactly  _ when she stopped going out, stopped talking to her friends, but we had no idea- she didn’t tell a soul. Actually, Thea didn’t know she was pregnant- I think she had just shut down at that point, refused to even think about it, wanted to just pretend it never happened- so it all just kind of became too much for her to deal with. And then… well, Thea decided to have the baby. I’ve never seen a fight like what her and your mother went through- it was World War III level scary for at least two weeks.”

“I’m not going to lie, Tommy and I were really concerned about the idea of her having a kid- she was barely 16! At one point Tommy talked about adopting the baby, that was a week of total insanity that I never want to relive.” Felicity smiled just a bit remembering the day that Tommy came up with the idea of him adopting Thea’s baby- something that was absolutely insane, even for Tommy. Thea had yelled at him, called him an old-fashioned dumbass; Moira had been saying something about adoption being a good idea, but perhaps they should get the baby out of the city so no one had to know… Felicity just watched from the sidelines, trying to figure out how to indicate that she was in Thea’s corner, no matter what her decision was without incurring the wrath of Moira. 

“But honestly, it was weirdly what this entire family needed to get our shit together. Thea was suddenly really motivated about school- she studied her ass off and got her GRE that summer- refusing to go back to the school full of “fake bitches and assholes”. She started focusing on a future, taking classes at the community college. Moira was going to work but also began to really let Walter into her life, and honestly- they’re so happy, it’s almost nauseating sometimes. It started Tommy’s relationship and now he’s happier than I’ve ever known him to be- again, another relationship that’s beyond nauseating to be around. And Maddie… wow, she’s just such a ray of sunshine- she’s got all the best of Thea, some of the obnoxious qualities too- she has a lot to say about my outfits and my hair, that’s for sure… and I swear to God that if I never see  _ Finding Nemo _ or  _ Monsters Inc _ ever again, I’d be the happiest human on the planet… but she’s just this beautiful, brilliant ball of love and happiness that I think we all needed to remind us that the world was a place worthing be a part of...” 

And then the story was done. She knew just how much had to be going through Oliver’s head right now-  so she just sat there in quiet and let him absorb all that information she had dropped on his lap. It was probably 10 or 15 minutes before he spoke. 

“She looks just like Thea did- it was like a blast from the past seeing her.” Felicity smiled.

“That’s what your mom is always saying- although Maddie is apparently way better behaved- slept through the night almost from the start- that made Moira furious- she really thought Thea would finally understand what she put your parents through…’ Felicity smiled as she watched Oliver, checking for signs of his fury or guilt or… something… 

“You seem… I don’t want to say good, obviously… but ok- are you doing alright? I know that was a lot of really unpleasant information.” Oliver just looked out the window briefly, watching the rain fall down the glass panes as he exhaled. 

“I think I might be… ok. I mean, no, that wasn’t easy to hear- none of it. And I can definitely understand why Thea didn’t want to tell me herself, I don’t think I’d be handling it so well if she’d been the one telling the story… I couldn’t handle it when she cried before- I doubt I’m any better at it now. Just, tell me, did they ever find the guy? Did she even file a criminal report? What happened with that?"

“ I spent a lot of time trying to hack traffic cameras from that night, near the party… but the house it was at was total insanity- about 100-150 kids in total and Thea was so bombed she really doesn’t remember much about anything… And now she doesn’t want to know, she doesn’t want Maddie to know anything about what happened and certainly doesn’t want the bastard to know about Maddie. And honestly? She’s actually in a really good place right now… she struggles sometimes, she’s still in therapy- she has bad days, occasional panic attacks or nightmares, but overall, she’s good. So we’ve all just let it kind of rest. She never filed a report with the police- Tommy talked to a lawyer at the time and since Thea hadn’t filed anything when it happened and didn’t really remember much of the attack, the lawyer said it probably wouldn’t go very far if she did.” 

Oliver nodded, accepting what she said. Felicity could see that Oliver was trying to process things- she could only imagine how much he was struggling to accept the changes he had come home- he needed time, lots and lots of time. She just sat there with him until he spoke again- which wasn’t for about 15 more minutes. 

“Was that all you were sent in to tell me?”

“What?” Felicity had been gazing out the window, it looked like it was going to storm tonight, the winds really seemed to be picking up. She was wondering what the weather was like on the island- was he used to sleeping in weather like that? Had he had a place to sleep that kept him at all warm or dry? Maybe a nice cave?

“Well, I kind of get the sense that more has happened around here than my baby sister having a drug and alcohol problem, being raped then having a baby as a result of that rape…”

“Wow, you’ve really gotten blunt in your time away.”

“Didn’t seem a lot of reason to mince words when fighting for your life.” That made her wince just a bit. 

“Fair enough. No, I think we’re good for tonight. It’s been five years, sure, there have been a lot of changes- but I think that was the one everyone was most worried about telling you… and then your mom and Walter was probably the other one.” He nodded- that wasn’t so bad- he could learn to live with these two things, right? 

“What about you? What have you been up to the last five years? Clearly you’re back from Boston- you’re working at QC now?”

“Yep! I finished with my masters about a year and half after you left. I waas going to go to Gotham, work at Wayne Enterprises- had the job offer from Lucius Fox to work in their Applied Science division… but then everything happened with Thea and I decided to move back home, work at Queen Consolidated. But that’s pretty much all”

“Come on, in five years that’s all you’ve got? School and work?”

“I mean, there’s been a lot of shoe shopping, clearly a makeover and wardrobe upgrade.” She motioned to her hair and down to her outfit.”

“Yeah, any chance you’re going to tell me what happened to cause that?” He had to admit that this new look suited her so much better than the harsh, dark look from before- this was so much more her personality. But he also knew how wary she would be about being thought of as a dumb blonde, there had to be a story there. She just shrugged her shoulders and he could tell he had touched on a subject she wasn’t going to open up to him about- and he was surprised to realize that hurt just a little bit. In the past, she had come to him about all kinds of problems, she had been practically an open book around him- only partially due to her entire lack of brain-to-mouth filter, but also because he was the big brother who wasn’t Tommy- so there was just a little more she could talk to him about. 

“Umm, I was really busy, finishing up school, looking for jobs… and…” she trailed off, biting her bottom lip, the way she always did when nervous.

“Yeah?”

“Oh, you know, just a bad breakup, I felt like I needed a change. My mom was a blonde, you know?”

“Yeah, I remember the picture.”

“She said I’d look good as a blonde- she was always trying to get me to lighten up my wardrobe, wear more pink and sparkles and stuff like that. I guess graduation just felt like the right time to make a change, you know?” Oliver knew her, he knew that wasn’t the full story, but also knew that wasn’t the important thing right now. Sensing she didn’t want to talk about it anymore he decided it was his turn to change the subject. He grabbed at his tv remote. 

“So, you tell me- I’ve been gone for five years, what cultural gems have I missed out on during that time?”

“Ugh, not a whole hell of a lot to be honest. Lots of attempts to cash in on nerds everywhere through sitcoms and stuff… there’s a new Doctor on  _ Doctor Who _ , actually I guess there have been a few since you’ve been gone- and they’ve all been seriously epic… but that was never your bag so you don’t care at all. Umm… reality tv has honestly just gotten trashier and less believable- except  _ Top Chef _ and  _ Project Runway _ , those are amazing and I love them…”

“I think I need something pretty light and mindless, what you got?”

“Umm hello-  _ The Simpsons _ ?”

“Is that seriously still on?”

“I’m pretty sure that we’ll all be dead and gone- I mean, actually dead- not everyone thinks we’re dead…” She closed her eyes, wishing she could make herself just shut up sometimes. “Hey, at least you know somethings never change- still can’t keep a thought in my head to save my damn life.”

He just smiled at her, shaking his head. 

“It is nice, knowing that no matter what, Felicity is still Felicity- believe it or not, things like that gave me a lot of hope over the last five years- that no matter what, I could, in some way, come home again.” She looked at him, really looked at him and she noticed something pass across his eyes- he was definitely more guarded than he ever was before, that made sense- who knew what kind of hell he’d been in until now? But there was something else there… or maybe not there? He just seemed to be missing something, a certain spark- a joyful, take life by the balls, ask forgiveness instead of permission kind of mentality that had gotten him and Tommy into so much trouble way back when. He seemed to have the weight of the world on his shoulders… she was dying to know what he had been through- hear about his experiences, alleviate some of his burden… but she wouldn’t push. She’d just try to be here for him if he came to her- hopefully before he imploded from the weight he seemed to be carrying.

“Anywho, Simpsons still plays on just about every station at some point throughout the day, you never have to look hard for a few episodes at a time, let’s see what we can find.” And with that she took the remote, looking for some escapism for the two of them to just sit and laugh. 

Hours later Felicity was startled awake- disoriented, unsure of where she was as she sat up and blinked- realizing she was on the couch in Oliver’s room- the tv on quietly in front of her- Oliver asleep on the floor in front of her. They had started to watch The Simpsons the night before- an old goto if either of them wanted mindless entertainment occasional chit chat with each other, and apparently they had both fallen asleep. 

That’s when she realized that Oliver was shaking and muttering something in his sleep- the storm outside was really raging on- thunder and lightning crashing all around the estate- rain lashing at the windows and Oliver was getting more and more agitated. Without really thinking about she reached down to touch his shoulder, wanting to wake him up.

So it was pretty surprising when she ended up on her back, Oliver straddling her with his forearm pushing against her neck, choking her. She screamed instantly when he touched her and was trying to call for help- luckily Tommy was in the room across the hall and came running in trying to see what was going on. His eyes went wide as he processed what was happening, Felicity struggling underneath his best friend who seemed to be trying to kill her. He ran up, yelling at Oliver, pulling him off his sister.

That was when Oliver snapped to attention, realizing what had happened. Tommy had dropped by Felicity’s side and was holding her as she shook and coughed, hunched over herself. He looked up at Oliver and saw the look of horror on his face.


	4. Growing Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity goes through a rite of passage with Tommy's help.

_ April 2002  _

_ “Felicity? What’s going on? You never miss class, are you feeling ok? Do you need something? Do you have a fever, do you need to go to the doctor or the hospital?” Tommy Merlyn was totally out of his depth- he was banging on his half-sister’s door because she hadn’t been at school this afternoon and he hadn’t even noticed, he’d been so busy trying to flirt with Joanna. Sara Lance had found him around lunch to see if she was sick or whether something had happened, Felicity had perfect attendance up to this point and missed a test in AP English- Felicity would probably make it to a test even if someone had just severed one of her limbs on the way to school.  _

_ “Look, I know you weren’t at school today, but you had a test and Sara was really worried about you- you never miss anything and I’m kind of nervous.” He held his ear to the door and his heart dropped when he thought he heard crying. He debated internally for a minute, they had always tried to be respectful of each others’ private space- mostly since the time Felicity walked in on him having sex with Katie Jansen, but he couldn’t help being worried about her and turned the knob to let himself in.  _

_ The room was dark, the curtains closed, Felicity was curled up on her bed, crying and holding her sides. Tommy instantly ran over to her to her, was she ok? What happened? _

_ “Lis, what is wrong? You look… you look like you’re in pain, what’s going on? What can I do? Do I need to take you to the hospital?” He knelt down next to her and was pushing hair out of her face. “Ok, Lis, you’re going to have to tell me what’s going on or else I can’t fix it, you know that right?” _

_ “Tommy, I’m fine, I promise, it’s nothing that you have to worry about, just go away.” _

_ “No way, Lis, you’re holding yourself in pain and crying, there’s got to be something wrong and I can help! Are you sick? Are you in a lot of pain? Is it your appendix? If it’s your appendix I should take you to the ER.” _

_ “It’s not appendicitis, I promise, I’m fine, I don’t need you to do anything except for leave me alone.” _

_ “I don’t know if you’re losing your mind, but I don’t know what makes you think I’m going to leave you alone for even a minute while you’re in pain like this.” That made Felicity sit up, gripping at her lower side, angry but eyes shining with tears. _

_ “Tommy, seriously, I’m fine. I just need you get the hell out of my room to leave me on my own.”  _

_ “Lis, you know I-” _

_ “Tommy, I just got my period for the first time and I’m cramping like a goddamn bitch, I don’t have any pads or tampons- I mean, my mom didn’t get hers until she was 14 so I assumed… I guess I just thought I had more time. But my cramps are fucking painful, I don’t have any kind of medication for it and it feels like there is broken glass in my lower abdomen! Not to mention my head is pounding and I’m an emotional fucking mess who can’t stop crying or thinking about my mom...”  _

_ Tommy pulled away, eyes wide, face drained of color, she had found the one thing he wasn’t at all prepared to handle. He had ABSOLUTELY no idea what to do in this situation. Literally,  if she had said she had a drug problem, or she owed the mob money or was questioning her sexuality… any of those situations he would have been better equipped to handle than a girl who already desperately missed her mother, having her first period- that seemed like one of those moments a girl would want her mom.  _

_ He’d had moments like that throughout the years- hell, he still thought about how his Mom wouldn’t be at his graduation or see him get married… and he’d long ago come to understand that Robert Queen was the real father figure in his life. In fact, he would never forget the unbelievably awkward time Robert had decided to take both Tommy and Oliver fishing- and then proceed to discuss sex with them. They had been 14 and, frankly, Oliver had been caught at a gala, in a closet with Jeanine Sprague… They had gotten quite the earful about sex being natural, but being ready and then, of course, being safe. Six months later Malcolm had stopped by Tommy’s room on one of his infrequent stays in town and thrown a box of condoms at him. Tommy was studying at his desk and looked up, caught completely off guard as his father said “if you get a girl knocked up, don’t expect me to handle it.” And then, like a Ninja, he was gone.  _

_ Tommy was brought back to the present by Felicity’s moan, and a glossy image peeking out under her pillow. He recognized the corner he could see, it was one of the pics of her and her mom that wasn’t framed- it was one that she would keep out so she could touch, feel her mother with her.  _

_ Never before was he more helpless- they had frequently commiserated over their lack of mothers, and as Malcolm was their father made them feel more like orphans than anything else. But this was something he couldn’t fix by taking her out for pancakes or buying her an incredible present or even just taking her to the beach for a day to walk on the pier. This was the kind of thing that only a mom could help with… and he was one poor excuse for that. He squeezed her hand and smiled at her, wanting her to know he was there.  _

_ “Ok, Lis, it’s going to be ok- it’s fine. I’m…” What does someone do with period cramps? Is it at all like cramps from running? For that he usually did heat and then he’d eat 2 or 3 bananas, then ibuprofen would work for the muscle soreness after. “I promise I’m going to…” To what? He didn’t have a clue! “Umm. Ok, so you had your… I mean you’re… I mean, you understand what this means right? I guess, I mean, I think you know why women get periods, right?” FUCK, was Tommy Merlyn about to be responsible for explaining a woman’s changing body and sexual health and pregnancy and all that to his half sister? Cause swear to God, he was not at all certain he could utter the words ‘uterine lining’ or ‘fallopian tubes’... much less “sex” or “intercourse” or “pregnancy”. God, was he going to have to explain condoms? OH FUCK. This couldn’t be more of a nightmare… Thankfully right then, despite her pain, he could practically hear her rolling her eyes at him. After all, she’d had to come to terms with her brother being a sexual being a few too many times for her personal comfort.  _

_ “Tommy, I’m almost 14 and I’m a junior in high school who can hack pretty much anything on the internet- I  _ KNOW _ what this is. I just… I didn’t expect it, I don’t have any supplies and I don’t know what to do about the cramps that are making me sort of wish I was dead because they’re so painful. So I don’t need you to explain to me about the shedding of my uterine wall and ovulation or anything to do with my female anatomy. I just really miss my mom right now and I’m dying for you to just leave me the hell alone while I lay here and listen to Tori Amos, ok?”  _

_ “Lis, come on, I know that this is probably one of the weirder experiences you and I will experience, and I can’t pretend like I have any idea what the hell I’m doing here. I mean, I’m a guy, sorry, I can’t change that right now. And I’m your brother, so this is basically doubly weird in ways I feel like you could never understand; but the way I see it- you and I? We don’t have a lot of people we can depend on- we have Ollie, Thea, Robert and Moira… and maybe a few others, but mostly, we have each other and we need to just embrace that. So, yeah, even if it’s incredibly weird sometimes and one of us have to try and come to terms with the concept their beloved sibling is now, for all intents and purposes, an actual human, adult-like person and no longer the brat that showed up at their door unannounced one day with a nose ring and purple streaks in her hair… well, I think we’re just going to have to find a way to deal. Don’t you agree?” She smiled a little, despite the pain and swatted at his shoulder- not wanting to bring up the time she was made to reali I’m going to go and get you a heating pad, I think that will help with the cramps… and I, uh… let me do a little googling, ok?” _

_ She just nodded, she was mortified AND in pain and she didn’t give a shit what Tommy wanted to do, she wanted to stop having this conversation and to find a way to alleviate the pain in her abdomen, and yes, in that exact order. Tommy got up and left the room, needing to jump into action, like her knight in shining armor.  _

_ He knew there was a heat pack in his bathroom from an old baseball injury, he could grab that on his way to the computer where he could google PMS and what the hell to do… “Girl’s first period…”? Wait, no, he could NOT google that, that was going to end him up on some kind of watchlist, right? He ran his fingers through his hair, so frustrated, making it pretty floofy and weird looking, but why did that even matter? Why was he even thinking about it? What the hell was he supposed to do or say right now?  _

_ What was it like to get your period the first time? Clearly he would never know and had no frame of reference. Were there pills she could take for the pain? Did he need to go and get her something? Tampons? Pads? (She was pretty young and hadn’t he heard somewhere/somehow that younger girls shouldn’t use tampons? Or virgins couldn't? Why was being the big brother of a high schooler so damn hard and complicated? He tried to surf the web but absolutely nothing he found was at all helpful. He was seriously starting to spin out- the site was talking about how period cramps could also mimic implantation cramps if she was pregnant and Tommy spent what felt like years reading that, but was actually just 30 seconds freaking out that his baby sister could be pregnant. He was feeling so weird and gross and in over his head and confused about what to do from here.  _

_ Frantic and desperate he finally took out his phone and scrolled through the phone numbers until he found the one he needed- someone who could actually help. He had to try dialing three times because she didn’t pick up, but luckily he was able to reach her that 3rd time when the blond bombshell finally picked up.  _

_ “Tommy, I was in the middle of a very important meeting with the Board, what on earth could be so important that you need me right now- please tell me neither you or Oliver are in jail and need bail? It’s far too early in the day to be calling my lawyers trying to avoid one of my sons being photographed taking a perp walk” He cringed, after all, it wasn’t at all unreasonable an suspicion, but he didn’t love what that said about him. _

_ “I’m sorry, Moira, I am, but I’m a little desperate- and no, this probably isn’t on the level of life or death, interrupt a board meeting, but THAT I could maybe call Jean Loring for, this one, I can’t. You can relax, I’m fine, Oliver’s fine- I promise. It isn’t either of us, or Thea, no, it’s actually Felicity. Not that Felicity is being arrested, she’s absolutely not. She… well, she skipped class this morning and she had a test and that’s so not like her- seriously, it made me come home immediately because I was shocked. You know her, she  _ loves  _ school. So I was worried and surprised and I went to find her- she was in in her room and now she’s hunched over in pain, crying and confused and I’m absolutely no help because I’m just another guy!  _

_ It looks like, well, she says that maybe she just… uh, she maybe got her… I mean, she’s only 13 but apparently that doesn’t matter, she’s clearly old enough… And she’s throwing out questions about what kind of… you know, what does she do, are there meds to help with the cramps and I’m trying to figure out should I go buy her tampons or pads and what kind should they be? Do brands matter here? And when she said cramps I wanted to bring her bananas and milk and a heating pad, but I don’t know if that would help like it does when I cramp after a long run or is it totally different for girls?” Tommy wasn’t even sure where most of that came from, Moira was like his mom and he’d talked about a lot of tough issues with her, but apparently the word tampon was the unspeakable element of his vocabulary and he didn’t know until today. _

_ He could almost hear Moira’s smile as she spoke, happy that Tommy thought to call her- she adored him and although her interactions with Felicity had been limited, she had enjoyed the sweet, intelligent and slightly awkward girl from Vegas.  _

_ “Tommy, stop, you’re fine. I need you to calm down. Yes, she’s going through something, it’s probably a little scary to her, not having a mother over there, poor dear. This can very scary to a young woman and its natural that her first instinct is to clam up and miss her mom. You did the right thing calling me- listen, I have to go back in and finish this meeting, I promise, it’s 15 minutes tops. I’ll stop at the drug store on my way home, get everything that she needs. I’ll be there within the hour, and I’ll talk to her, you don’t need to do anything else.” _

_ Tommy sighed with such relief. “Oh, Moira, THANK YOU, seriously, she was such a mess and I’m not sure I didn’t make everything worse, but I had no idea what to do.” _

_ “Tell you what, in the meantime, if you have some ibuprofen, a heating pad and maybe some chocolate or some ice cream, take them to her, they’ll help, and I’ll be along as soon as I can, ok?” Tommy closed his eyes in relief both that he wouldn’t have to continue the conversation with his sister about her period, but also that she would have someone as warm and mom-ish to help her. He let himself get distracted for a minute thinking what it would be like to have his mom here, now… then his brain kicked in and he remembered how awkward that would likely be or even that Felicity may not even exist if that was the case- and he was surprised to discover how blue that made him. Not that he didn’t wish every day for his mom to be here, but the idea that Felicity wouldn’t be in his life felt unthinkable. Wow, life was weird, wasn’t it? He shook his head, remembering Moira was on the line.  _

_ “Thank you- thank you so much! You are basically the best mom on the planet, I hope you know that.” She just laughed her musical laugh on the other side of the conversation, shakin her head at his charm and told him she’d be by soon as they hung up.  _

_ A little more than two hours later, Tommy was giving Moira a kiss on her cheek, thanking her for coming by and helping Felicity- who was now in the media room watching a movie and eating ice cream, seemingly so much better than an hour or two earlier. _

_ Moira stood by the front door, cupping his face with one of her hands, looking him in the eye. “You’re a good boy, Tommy Merlyn, your mother would be so happy to see the man you’ve become.” She kissed him on the cheek and left, smiling as he debated whether he should go back to Felicity watching a movie and pretend nothing happened, or avoid her entirely to avoid a very awkward conversation. _

___________________________________________


	5. Felicity Trying to Deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the wake of Oliver almost choking Felicity the night they're reunited, she reflects.

“Felicity, I’m so sorry, I was having a nightmare and when you tried to wake me… I just…” he trailed off, what was he going to say? _“Sorry, that I tried to kill you? Sorry that I came back from the island so broken and evil that I was ready to snap the life out of my best friend’s sister?”_ Tommy was just standing there, horrified, looking down on his best friend, breathing heavy, trying to control himself while Felicity struggled underneath him, terrified and fighting a complete breakdown right in front of everyone. She was crying as she pushed against Oliver’s body and he realized he was still on top of her with his hand at her neck.

“Fuck, I’m sorry Felicity.” He jumped back from her, appalled at what he had just done while Tommy pulled his sister to him, holding her and trying to comfort her, whispering something to her.

“For God’s sake man! What the hell happened to you on that island? This is Felicity, my little sister, one of your best friends? Seriously, what the fuck?”

Oliver just stared at everyone, trying to figure out if he was actually awake or was it all just another nightmare? Fuck, Felicity! He looked over at her, she was hunched over trying to control her breathing as her brother patted her back. He wanted to go to her, to somehow make it better, to help- he reached out a hand but Tommy pushed his hand away- glaring furiously at him. He bent over and whispered to her, Oliver couldn’t hear a word being said but Felicity started to straighten up as she nodded her head, her breathing becoming more normal as she looked to him, giving him the weakest smile- it didn’t go to her eyes like usual… no, in her eyes there was only fear and he had never felt like such a monster, ever. Finally she stood up straighter, wiped her tears away as best she could and tried to compose herself- she understood it was all just Oliver needing time, none of them were who they used to be. And in true Felicity fashion, she instantly began to comfort Oliver and reassure Tommy- she could deal with her emotions later, on her own.

“It’s fine, Tommy, I’m fine.” He clearly wanted to respond to that but one look from her and he shut up, no one needed to hear her loud voice tonight. “Look, Oliver’s been on an island in the middle of nowhere for five years, I’m sure he’s developed some reflexes… that’s how he managed to make it back to us- we can’t fault him for living on survival instincts. And, now I know not to do that when he’s having a nightmare… not that it’s going to be a regular thing that we’re sleeping together- I mean, not _sleeping together_ , like, sex and naked stuff, because you know, that’s like, wow, totally unthinkable… but we were asleep, in the same room, together and I’m just…” Even Oliver had the slightest smile on his face at her babbling innuendo. Tommy wasn’t feeling quite as kind as his sister, but no longer looked like he wanted to murder his best friend, so that was a victory of sorts.

“Now, if it’s alright with everyone, it’s late, I’m going to get some sleep in my room- I’ll see everyone in a few hours when there is coffee and, hopefully, bacon.” But Oliver took Felicity in, and for a second, just a second, he thought that there was something in her eyes- a little bit of… pain? She caught him looking at her and picked up her smile, pushing Tommy away as she hurried out of the room, calling out good night over her shoulder, hoping she’d make it to her room before she fell apart.

* * *

 

_“You bitch- how dare you say anything!”_

_“I didn’t, I didn’t say anything, I swear, they questioned me for hours and I almost told them I did it, but I didn’t say a single thing about you, I swear to God! I fucking wanted to- but I didn't!”_

_At this point he was gripping both arms, she could almost feel them bruising as she tried to fight against him, tried to wrest herself free from his grasp which was so much stronger than she could ever have imagined. They had been together for 2 years at this point and he’d never given any indication that he could hurt a fly. In fact, their sex life had always been fairly mundane… once she had expressed an interest in being tied up and he had argued he found it distasteful and given her an earful about feminism and all sorts of things that, at the time, had melted her heart as she believed that it was a miracle she had found someone who respected women the way that he did._

_Never mind the fact that over the last year or so he had consistently shown that he was uncomfortable with her intelligence and drive. She never once set out to be superior to him- to get better grades while studying less or be offered freelance computer work… or even more prestigious internships. In fact, she had only recently been offered an internship at Wayne Enterprises for the summer- it was in cyber-security, helping to head up a ‘hackathon’ of like-minded college students and other brilliant minds to try and decrypt their newest security program… one that she had turned down after breaking through in less than 2 hours._

_But when she told Coop about the offer, one that had been signed by Lucius Fox himself, he hadn’t seemed thrilled about it. In fact, he had seemed annoyed- he was facing a summer of Help Desk support at the company of a family friend. He was brilliant and wonderful and somewhat challenging to Felicity’s intellect- but far too interested in his crusade for “social justice” that he came off poorly when discussing jobs and such with professors, interviewers, etc._

_“Coop, I swear to God, they have no idea what you did, they’ll never know, I promise- it’s just me and you, Baby. It’s just the two of us!” She was sobbing at this point and she could never say for sure, but all of a sudden his face changed- he was no longer the man she had known, the man she had loved and shared a bed… a life with for more than two years… and she didn’t know why… She screamed as she felt a stabbing pain…_

* * *

 

Nightmares weren’t new to Felicity, but she had to admit, that was the first time in a very long time she had one- well, one that wasn’t about kangaroos… and why the hell did it have to be about Cooper and that period in her life? In fact, the last time it happened, that she had a nightmare like this, she had been staying over with a guy friend  in Central City and it had completely freaked her out- causing her to leave in the middle of the night and never speak to him again. Which, coincidentally had been her last attempt at a relationship- how did a person continue trying to find love with her particular track record?

But Oliver reacting the way that he did, pinning her down, forearm to the throat choking her… his body straddling hers, her attempts to call out for help as he seemed to want nothing more than to make sure she never drew another breath…

And then her brother came in and her first response was to curl to the side and hold herself- she knew what kinds of scars would appear in the morning- she knew what she could and could not hide with makeup- she knew that turtlenecks for 2 weeks would be the only way to hide the results of that encounter.

But she had only seen Tommy that way once before, that fire in his eyes, practically wishing he could murder someone; it brought her back to a time she really never wanted to remember. It was never far from her mind- the day she had brought Tommy into what happened between her and Cooper… Tommy and Thea had been instrumental in her finding what, at the time, felt like justice. These days it felt more like sawdust in her mouth- what had happened between them had been so terribly rotten that Felicity had basically avoided anything resembling a relationship ever since- she just didn’t feel like she could hit a point where she felt less than hideously broken, not with anyone.

And while she knew that it wasn’t Oliver’s fault- he had reacted like any other kind of animal that felt scared or endangered or provoked… She was nothing if not empathetic. She knew what it was like to feel in danger, even in sleep- probably the worst feeling on the planet if she was being honest- it was hard to be upset with him. She actually couldn’t make herself annoyed, because she knew what that feeling was like.

She had told Tommy it was fine, had smoothed things over with him and Moira and Oliver- god, what had Oliver been through? It had to have been seriously awful for him to react in that terrified way… but as a basic instinct, she understood. She had never been deserted on an island on an island in the North China Sea- but could imagine that if she had, she might feel a bit like she was feeling right now.


End file.
